triLcat Talks about Writing, Literature, and Her Life.

Braving the Supermarket

2011-08-14T21:45:00.001+03:00

Today, after gan, I decided to ask the kids what we were going to eat for supper. This was mostly because I had no idea what to make. They came up with the idea of making spaghetti for supper, which made me realize that I didn't have sauce (we usually use the jarred kind). I decided to take the kids to the supermarket. I've never done this before. I've never taken them without a stroller. I've always had at least one of them restrained.

I was fairly terrified.

My list was very limited. Tomato sauce, tivol "ground", cheese, cinnamon gum if they had it (they didn't). That's it. We walked to the supermarket pretty much without mishap. Ephraim stuck with us and didn't run away. The kids obviously asked for cookies. And here's where the fates aligned. Two things happened. One, I happened to have both cake and cookies at home (provided by Kelli), and two, my kids happened to be angels. So I said "we have cookies at home" and Kinneret said "but I want cake" and I said "we have cake at home. Kelli brought us a cake." and wonders will never cease, she stopped asking. It even worked with cereal. She wanted the cookie cereal and I said "we buy corn flakes, and we have that at home," and she didn't ask again.

The kids asked for chocolate milk and I said "another day. not today" and they accepted that... Kinneret wanted to hold the sauce, but she accepted holding the cheese instead. Ephraim wanted to hold the cheese but he accepted holding the butter instead (how did that get on the list?) It was like miracle after miracle. Which is why, when I handed Kinneret her tivol ground to hold and Ephraim asked for one to hold too, I decided I wasn't going to press my luck, and we now have an extra package in the freezer. It won't go to waste.

The line was short and the kids didn't get crazy fidgety in line. The kids carried their share of the groceries part way home. They even almost sort of walked home decently. Times like this, I think maybe parenting isn't only for the absolute strongest and bravest. I think maybe it's something I'm actually capable of doing.

For the first time since the toddler phase started, I'm starting to feel like going out with my kids doesn't leave me feeling harried and worn out. I think I actually enjoyed going out to the supermarket with my kids. I might have even laughed a little.

A Finland State of Mind

2011-07-22T18:38:00.000+03:00

This time last year, I was dealing with Ephraim's fourth surgery and preparing for our family trip to Finland. I've mostly repressed the whole surgery thing. I've been thinking about the trip a lot. I didn't really write about it much. I meant to. It was a mixed bag as trips go. Some of it was absolutely fantastic. But some of it wasn't.
For example, eating blueberries and lox and crusty fresh bread was great. Taking a boat to the island zoo was great. Having Kinneret stung by a bee for the first time on Shabbat in a campground in Helsinki - less good. Managing to pull the stinger out and giving her Children's Advil and having her calm down pretty quickly and her breathing remain even for the next several hours - better.
The worst moment was in Russia. (Remember, we flew into St. Petersburg, spent an overnight there, took the train to Joensuu, spent a week there, took the train to Helsinki, spent a week there, took the train back to St. Petersburg, spent three days there, and took a flight back to Israel) We had two strollers. We'd loaded our luggage on one, and Kinneret in the other. Ephraim was on my back. We walked several blocks looking for a taxi, going over several large curbs. One of the wheels popped off of the stroller that the luggage was on, and everything spilled into the street. We hailed a taxi and told him to take us to the hotel. He took us to what was clearly the wrong address, dumped our stuff out on the sidewalk, demanded his money, and pulled away. I cried.
People came out of the apartment building we'd been dumped in front of and asked what help we needed. One lady spoke some English. She helped us call the hotel we were supposed to be staying at, and the hotel sent a taxi to pick us up. The taxi came and took us all the way to the hotel. We managed the rest of the trip with the backpack carrier and the stroller.
We never did get that stroller fixed, though we did bring it back to Israel.

Anyway, I've been thinking about the trip a lot, thinking about blueberries and thinking about swimming in icy water and living in a little cabin. I miss Finland. I miss three weeks of undivided family time. I even miss cooking in a tiny little travel cooker and eating sandwiches for most of my meals. I miss the adventure. I can't wait for our next family adventure. I know it won't be next year in Lublin (EJC 2012), but maybe the year after... In the meantime, I'll be in a Finland state of mind.

Mind the Jap

2011-07-14T21:11:00.000+03:00

Today I woke up and had coffee and went to my Tai Chi class.
Then I stopped at the fruit stand for fruit and the mall for a yogurt drink.
Then I played on Twitter and blogs and Facebook for a few hours (ok, so that was actually working)
Then the maid came and cleaned the house.
I picked up my kids and took them out for chocolate milk.
Then my husband came home and took us out to dinner.
On the way home, we stopped and bought me two new hats.

I feel like such a JAP :)

Food
Breakfast: Coffee + yogurt drink
snack: coffee
lunch: lentil soup, peach
snack: fireball, coffee,
dinner: hummus with meat, 2 pitas, salad, apple-water drink.
after: fireball

Doggy Potassium

2011-07-13T21:50:00.000+03:00

So Poofy's kidneys are functioning well. His potassium is high. For now, I was told to try to keep him from eating anything that's not his dog food. There's the possibility of putting him on low potassium food. We'll see.

Today was a medium day. Overall, I think it was decent. The coffee is starting to get out of control...

Breakfast: 2 cups coffee,
Snack: fireball
Lunch: coffee, 1 slim-fast shake (vanilla)
snack: coffee,
snack: celery, 1 cracker
dinner: 1 chicken neck, 3 bowls lentil soup with lentils, celery, carrots, onions, and soup nuts (about 1/4 cup total of soup nuts)
snack: 1 apple

Passed Test, Blood Test, Diet

2011-07-12T21:13:00.000+03:00

So today's big news is that I took my written (theory) driving test and passed it. It took two tries, but I have the official pass on that, which means I just have lessons and a road test and then I can get my license. This would be a big move toward my feeling like an adult, so it's good to feel like the process is moving along.

I took Poofy to the vet today, and he got a shot of tranquilizer so he could have a blood test. I'm expecting to find out that he has chronic renal failure... which is both good news and bad news. Animals can live for years with it - that's the good news. The bad news is that his peeing on the floor is likely to get worse rather than better. I'm currently taking him out 5-6 times a day and he's still having accidents. It's not a nice situation.

On the diet front, today was a decent day. Here's the food:
breakfast - 2 coffees and a slim-fast (chocolate)
snack - coffee & peach
snack - fireball
dinner - 2 chicken breasts & 1.5 cups of rice
snack - neviot + raspberry vanilla flavored water.

Another day.

2011-07-11T22:17:00.000+03:00

I've come to the conclusion that I'm addicted to coffee. I used to limit to one cup a day, and now it's crept up to three and sometimes four cups a day. I've also discovered that if my posts aren't posted to Facebook, nobody sees them. Since Facebook is now glitching and not allowing me to post anything, I guess I'll go back to having the notes function import my blog. It worked before.

Today's food:
Breakfast: coffee & slim-fast shake (vanilla)
snack: coffee
snack: coffee, 1.5 nectarines, 3 squares chocolate
dinner: 1 smoked beef sandwich (not quite corned beef) on light bread, w/ ketchup, many pickles,
after: fireball

One, Two, Skip a Few...

2011-07-11T00:58:00.000+03:00

When I was a kid, there was this thing we used to say - "I can count to 100 really fast. One, two, skip a few, 99, 100." So I'm skipping a few days and talking about being back on track.

Thursday night was a really fun night out with my siblings and parents for my parents' 45th anniversary. It was also all-you-can-eat. For my mouth, it was just shy of heaven. For my diet, complete disaster. I gained a whole kilo since I last wrote. Seriously.

Today, on the other hand, was better.
pre-breakfast: coffee
breakfast: slim-fast (chocolate)
snacks: coffee, fireball, 1 bite of peach, 1/2 a passiflora, more coffee, yet more coffee
dinner: 3 veggie burgers (100 cal each), big bowl of mixed frozen veggies, microwaved, with about 1 tbs Italian dressing
snack: diet ice cream sandwich (54 calories), fireball

I know that's actually unbalanced and messed up and I'm drinking entirely too much coffee, but I'm pretty sure I kept it under 1200 calories, and I'm not starving, so it's a success.

Wednesday

2011-07-06T22:37:00.001+03:00

Today was a somewhat better day. I'm tired, so I'm going to go straight into the food.

breakfast: coffee + slim fast shake (vanilla)
snack: slimfast bar (peanut butter crunch)
snack- banana
lunch: chocolate slimfast shake
snack: peach
snack: coffee + 5 small pieces of chocolate
dinner: 4 slices light bread, 1/3 avocado, pastrama (4.5% fat) - about 2/3 of a package, one bowl tomato soup
after: fireball

Tuesday.

2011-07-05T21:43:00.000+03:00

So I had this brilliant plan of getting up at 5am to go walking. Of course, at 3am, Ephraim soaked through his diaper and the whole bed had to be changed. So at 5am, I couldn't move at all. But I did exercise tonight. I walked for 40 minutes and then did my tai chi stretches. I'm listening to Outliers now, which I'm finding really interesting, and way fewer people get killed or beaten up than in Under the Dome, which is what I listened to previously... btw, if anyone local has a copy of Influence, I'm supposed to read that too. Turns out, it's not available in audio. I did a little better with the night time binge, but I have to improve further.

Breakfast: coffee, slim-fast chocolate
snack: slim fast bar (mint chocolate), coffee
lunch: 2 peaches
snack: 3 zucchinis with salt
dinner: 2.5 chicken breasts, 1/2 cup of rice

Monday.

2011-07-04T21:08:00.000+03:00

So I seem to lose my drive later in the day. I'm not quite sure why this is. Today, I did great in the morning, even turning down fresh bread and butter that looked amazing. Then, as I was making dinner, I gobbled down the meat/veggie/tomato sauce and then I ate a ton of pasta. I have to get the evenings under control again. On the exercise front, I had a breakfast with a group of Twitter friends and then I walked home, which took about 30 minutes at a reasonable pace, so I got a little bit of exercise. I'm really trying to convince myself to wake up at 5 to go walking in the mornings...
Here's the food:

Breakfast: coffee, muesli yogurt
snack: slim-fast bar, coffee
lunch: coffee, 2 peaches
snack: 3 apricots
dinner: a lot of pasta with meat & vegetable sauce (sauce had fresh tomatoes, peppers, mushrooms, and lots of beef)

And as a bonus, here are my kids taking a bath in new bathing suits. (They don't usually take baths in bathing suits, but they wanted to put them on b/c they were new, so I let them wear them in the bath, and then I said... aha! finally I can take pictures of them in the bath!)

I'm ba-ack

2011-07-03T21:35:00.000+03:00

I'd decided to stop posting all my food, but then a few things happened.

1. I didn't lose any weight. In fact, I gained back about half a kilo.

2. I started to lose motivation for the diet.

3. And this was the most surprising part, people told me they miss my daily food posts. I found this absolutely shocking. I was really grateful for all the support people gave me, and I was really happy to be inspiring people to lose weight, but finding out that people actually liked reading about what food I eat daily was.... well, unexpected.

So I'm back. And I'm on slim-fast. And today was a not great day.

Breakfast: coffee + slimfast shake (vanilla)

Snack: slim-fast bar (mint chocolate), coffee

lunch: apple w/ 1 tablespoon peanut butter

Snack: 3 apricots and half a peach.

Dinner: 5 mini veggie hot dogs and an entire quiche....

yes, an entire quiche, which contained: 1 full container of mushrooms, 1 very small head of celery, 1 onion, 3 eggs, 1 container of 3% cottage cheese, some oil, some butter, some flour (about 4 tablespoons) and 3 slices of yellow cheese. Can we say "disaster?"

After: fireball.

I think the problems are 1. I missed my second shake. 2. Yaakov and Shlomo didn't come home, so no one else ate any of the quiche. I'm having problems with limiting servings. still. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Where I'm At Now

2011-06-10T15:13:00.000+03:00

The past few weeks, I've been a little down, and I've been very hungry. I think the two are related... In any case, I've gotten a little off target, and I had two days where I just ate and ate. On one of those two days, I ate so much I felt sick. I thought I was past doing that, so it was really discouraging.

I also gained back about a kilo, so now I'm only down 7 kilo. That was also disappointing. I've been doing this for so long...

On the other hand, people say I look better, and my clothes fit much better now. I've even gotten to the point where I can't wear one of my skirts because it's too big for me. I've recently bought two new skirts and they're a much smaller size than I used to buy - like 3 sizes smaller.

All in all, though, I've lost motivation. I've decided to try Slim-Fast to see if that gets me back on track. It's not easy to get it in Israel, but I ordered two containers from a seller on ebay. (Not everything on ebay is used.) I also ordered some of their snack bars so I'll be able to have something yummy and chocolatey. I hope this will help me.

I think the main thing here is my motivation, which has dropped. I'm not walking at all, and only doing tai chi once a week. I need to get those numbers up too.

My friend has basically said that losing weight has to be an obsession, and I think that I'm less obsessed with it now that I have a job which I'm obsessed with... It's hard to make room in my head for everything.

I think I've rambled enough... Shabbat Shalom all

Wanarenes and Cumber-ers

2011-05-20T14:05:00.000+03:00

I was at the greengrocer's yesterday, buying fruits and vegetables, and I saw that nectarines are finally in season. Last summer, in Finland, we ate a lot of nectarines. Kinneret loved them. She called them "wanarenes."

One day, we sat in our cabin in Finland, making a shopping list, and we asked the children what we should buy. Kinneret kept saying "cumber-ers" (cucumbers).

This summer, she calls them nectarines and cucumbers. I'm glad that she's growing up, but I miss her baby-talk mistakes.

Here is a picture of her at her cousin's bar mitzva last month:

All of It

2011-05-11T19:53:00.000+03:00

I'm at the point that I can eat responsibly even without posting every morsel that enters my mouth, so I've been blogging less. Someone complained that he missed it. Thanks!

In Stephen King's On Writing: 10th Anniversary Edition: A Memoir of the Craft, he talks about his drinking. He says that a man goes to a doctor and says "I have a drinking problem," and the doctor asks "How much do you drink?" The man replies "All of it." When I read that, I didn't quite get it, but now I do.

Today, I went out with a friend, and we got yogurts with muesli and coffee. While we were sitting there, a woman came in and got some sort of roll with jelly. The roll was fairly small, but she still left a piece of it when she left. I turned to my friend and asked "How does she do that? How can you leave a piece of food?"

I think that's one of my major issues - I eat all of it. It doesn't matter what it is. I finish it. A serving isn't the recommended serving size. A serving is whatever is available. When I first got married, I would make a pound of pasta, and Yaakov would eat half and I'd eat the other half. These days, I cook half of the pound. If I cook more, it won't leave leftovers; we'll simply eat more.

Portion control is a huge issue for me. I'm learning to work around it. Mainly, I'm making sure that "all of it" is a reasonable amount for me to eat.

Grumble!

2011-05-05T22:15:00.000+03:00

Today, Yaakov called me to tell me that he has to go to the USA on Sunday. For three weeks. I don't really take to solo parenting well. I'm in the process of starting a new job with many hours, so I don't know exactly how I'm going to do things like grocery shopping and laundry while he's away. So... grumble!

Food:

Breakfast: coffee

lunch: yogurt drink (peanut butter... YUM!)

dinner: 1.5 chicken breasts, 1 thigh, 1 wing, lots of string beans

after: 1 jawbreaker candy. not as good as a fireball, but got me through the sugar craving.

Two Days in One

2011-05-04T21:14:00.000+03:00

I missed posting yesterday, and today, I had a big mess up with lunch. I went to try out a newly mehadrin place and got hummus and meat and pitas... was incredibly yummy, but I figure it was close to 1000 calories. I decided to eat just veggies for dinner so I'm still on track, I think.

Tuesday:

Breakfast: coffee

Lunch: cottage cheese and strawberries

snack: coffee, apple

dinner: felafel (1.5 sandwiches)

Wednesday:

Breakfast: yogurt, coffee, 3 marshmallows

snack: yogurt drink (350 calories)

lunch: hummus w/ meat & 2 pitas, very small green salad

dinner: 2 zucchinis

extra: 3 small candies

7 Down, 33 to Go

2011-05-02T20:30:00.000+03:00

So it's official, kilo number seven dropped away, despite all of my bad eating over Pesach and the bar mitzva. I'm inspired now to go back to being really careful, so today was a no-mistakes day.

Breakfast: coffee

snack: 1/4 cup of orange juice-pineapple-mint-wheat grass juice (It was AWFUL)

lunch: yogurt (chocolate orange froop...really yummy)

snack: low cal ice cream bar (50 calories)

dinner: 1 can of tuna with 5% olive oil mayo-like stuff, 1.5 cups whole wheat pasta with mushrooms and tomato sauce, 1 big sweet red pepper

Sunday. Better

2011-05-01T21:52:00.000+03:00

In response to all job-related questions, the position is a marketing writer position. It's an internship, and I'm not 100% where I'll be working yet. Some of the work will probably be from home. I haven't started yet. I have a phone meeting tomorrow, and after that, I assume things will be clearer.

Food:

Breakfast: Coffee

Lunch: strawberries and cottage cheese

snack: coffee

dinner: 2 zucchinis, 2 bowls of chicken soup, ~1 cup of rice

Another Saturday Night

2011-04-30T23:01:00.000+03:00

The big news for the week is that I appear to have gotten a job. It's not clear when I start or whether I'll be working at an office or at home, but I was told that I'm hired. I'm very excited and more than a little bit nervous. I hope things will go well.

Yesterday and today were better on the food front, but I'm still not back to non-eating.

Friday:

breakfast: coffee and a granola bar

lunch: yogurt drink (300 cal)

snack: coffee and a granola bar

Dinner: chicken soup, 1 slice of challah, salad, 1/2 chicken breast, 1 chicken thigh, 1 chicken leg, 1/2 cup rice

Saturday:

breakfast: coffee

lunch: 1 bowl chicken soup,

snack: fruit salad, 1 slice of cake, celery

dinner: 2 chicken breasts

Another Wednesday

2011-04-27T20:05:00.000+03:00

Food-wise, today was good, not great. We have no veggies in the house at all. I have to buy some tomorrow morning.

Breakfast: yogurt drink, coffee

lunch: omelet sandwich on light bread, salad, coffee

snack: red pepper slice, coffee

snack: granola bar

Dinner: rice with salami (too much salami)

I need fireballs. I'll have to figure out how to get more, since they don't sell them in Israel. :(

Getting Back on Track

2011-04-26T21:48:00.000+03:00

I'm not 100% on track yet, but today was much better. I'm still down 6 kilos, so no damage over the holiday. Hopefully, when I re-stock the house, things will improve.

Breakfast: coffee

lunch: coffee

snack: 1 square chocolate, 1 handful potato soup nuts, 2 cherry tomatoes

dinner: 2 pitas with 1% fat pastrama

Losing Momentum

2011-04-23T22:57:00.000+03:00

So, again, I feel like no one's reading. More than that, I feel like I'm not really on the plan. Today was a bit better than the past few days, but I'm still eating entirely too much carbs. I hope when Pesach's over, things will even out a bit.

breakfast: coffee

lunch: roast, apple kugel (3 pieces), potato kugel (2), 1 piece of matza, avocado, salad w/ salad dressing

dinner: strawberries, 1 vanilla pudding cup.

Chag Sameach and Shabbat Shalom

2011-04-22T18:34:00.000+03:00

Today was kind of a tough day. Ephraim was home, it was raining, and Yaakov and Kinneret are away at the juggling convention. My fantastic neighbor let us come over and hang out for a while, which made the day move and stopped the constant flow of Diego videos. I'm told that Diego is the Spanish of Yaakov, so it makes sense that Ephraim would want to watch it constantly...

I miss Yaakov and Kinneret, though I'm enjoying the lack of whining. Kinneret has a tendency to whine about things even when we haven't said no... as in "mommy I wannnt waaaater," and I'm like, "could you please ask in English instead of whine-language?"

I've been reading "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk" and so far, it's a good read. I'm hoping that learning the techniques in the book will help me yell less and feel more like the situation is under control even if the kids aren't exactly. I feel like I get angry too often and yell too often with Kinneret. With Ephraim, I feel like I have more patience. I'm not quite sure whether it's his behavior or my attitude. It might be a combination of the two. I perceive him as very vulnerable, while I perceive Kinneret as very tough. The truth is almost the opposite. Kinneret is very sensitive and gives up easily. Ephraim is persistent and self-assured. I'm not sure where I go from there... hmmmn.

On a totally different subject, I think that matza makes you hungry. There's no other explanation. I never eat very much of the carbs anyway, but somehow, this week, I'm ten times hungrier. I feel like I'm in good company, though. Two of my Facebook friends said they got somewhat off track during the holiday too. Today, I had the obligatory matza brei for the chag... I discovered that I don't like it with wet matza. I like the matza crispy... oh well.

Anyway, here's today's food:

Snack: banana, coffee

breakfast: matza brei - 2 matzahs, 2 eggs, 1 onion, olive oil, a tiny bit of butter

snack: coffee

lunch: cottage cheese & strawberries

snack: coffee, 4 marshmallows

Dinner will be whatever my mom serves, as she's graciously invited Ephraim and me for supper. I assume there will be apple kugel... yum.

Day 3 of the Omer

2011-04-21T21:26:00.000+03:00

I'm trying to count the omer this year. For those who don't know what that means, the omer is a period of 50 days between Passover and Shavuot. You're supposed to count off the days and the weeks in that time period. "You shall count for yourselves seven complete sabbaths" is how the Torah puts it.

So you count each evening, after dark, for seven weeks, and when you finish, you celebrate receiving the Torah, which was seven full weeks after leaving Egypt. The counting is easy. Remembering to count... not so easy. Men who pray each evening are more likely to remember, but for women, it's a real challenge.

Today, I tried to re-assert control, and was somewhat successful. It's very hard without my fireballs. They give me the sweet and the strong flavor and take a long time to eat, so I use them to kind of finish off the day. I miss them.

breakfast: yogurt drink (350 cal)

lunch: cottage cheese and strawberries

snack: potato chips (small bag, 100 cal), celery (a lot)

dinner: turkey meat, chicken breast, chicken soup, 1/2 slice matza, 1.5 pieces apple kugel

after: 2 small pieces of cake

problem: I'm still craving sweet.

In which I Try to Get Back on the Wagon

2011-04-20T22:25:00.000+03:00

I'm still not quite on the program, but today was a better day.

Breakfast: cottage cheese and strawberries, coffee

snack: 2 small pieces of pesach cake

lunch: 5 marshmallows

Dinner: 3 bowls of chicken soup, 1/2 matza, chicken breast, piece of corned beef, 2 marshmallows,

After: 1 pear, some strawberries

Seder Decadence

2011-04-19T21:39:00.000+03:00

So Yaakov has been talking about his grandmother's charoset for years. Every Pesach, he talks about the vats of charoset and how he spreads it on matza and he's kind of wistful about it.
This year, his cousin was here and they were discussing it. It turns out that his cousin has taken over the yearly charoset-making. She called her mother to get the recipe, and we made a quick batch of the special grandmother's extra-alcoholic charoset. In addition, my oldest brother brought us (virgin) charoset with pears and raisins. Both were deadly delicious, and I ate a lot of both on matzah. I feel like I've really fallen off the wagon. I need to reclaim control...so, starting now... I'm back on the plan.

Here's the food..

Monday:
Breakfast: cottage cheese and strawberries
Lunch: handful of potato chips, carrot
Dinner: piece of celery, piece of lettuce, 2-3 pieces of matzah, charoset, egg in salt water, gefilte fish w/ chrain, chicken soup w 2 matzah balls, 1 piece of potato kugel, corned beef, 4 glasses of grape juice

Tuesday:
Breakfast: an ice pop
Lunch: 3 pieces of matza with charoset, 2 bowls of chicken soup (w 1 matza ball and a small amount of "soup nuts") 1 chicken breast, 1 small piece of cake, salad

Dinner: 2-3 pieces of matza, 1 chicken breast, salad, lots of corned beef

In Which I Forget to Blog for Three Days

2011-04-17T21:24:00.000+03:00

So Thursday, I just forgot to blog. I didn't really remember to eat either. I had 3 yogurts and some cottage cheese, I think

Friday, I had coffee, then a big gigantic yogurt drink that was about 400 calories, and then I went to give blood. Apparently, I hadn't eaten enough. I got sick mid-donation and they had to pull the needle out :( Does anyone know if they can still use it if it's not a full pint?

We went away for Shabbat.

Friday afternoon, I didn't get a chance to eat until late, and then all I had was some almonds.

Dinner was a bit of a disaster. I had a whole roll, a fair amount of rice, some hummus... and dessert in addition to the chicken and fish.

Saturday was a complete disaster of a day. I can only comfort myself with two things. One, I didn't drink any sugared drinks and two, three months ago, I would have eaten more. I'm not going to list all the garbage I ate. It's too depressing.

This morning, I was up half a kilo. :(

Today was a better day.

Breakfast: 2 eggs, 1 small potato roll, salad, coffee

snack: coffee, cherry tomatoes, red pepper

lunch: cottage cheese

snack: shesek (loquat)

I haven't figured out dinner yet. I'll update the post when I get there.

In Which My Neighbor Feeds Me

2011-04-13T22:06:00.000+03:00

So the fridge is steadily emptying. I've really gotten over my desire to eat anything because of the mess involved. Today, my neighbor told me that I need to eat lunch, and I said "but I don't have any food in the house..." so she invited me over. So sweet of her.

breakfast: cottage cheese and strawberries, coffee
snack: coffee
lunch: 3 kebabs, peas (at neighbor's house)
dinner: 1 hot dog, 3 pieces of pastrama (1% fat), tomato soup
after: fireball

Fridge and Freezer are Almost Empty

2011-04-12T22:28:00.000+03:00

Actually, the freezer's full again. I just got a delivery of meat for Pesach. I keep thinking that string beans don't qualify as kitniyot. They really shouldn't. They're wet, they don't come in burlap bags, they don't expand when you cook them, and they're not that small. I do, however, value my marriage more than a week of eating string beans, so I won't be buying them this year.

Today was a weird day. I just didn't feel like eating all that much.

breakfast: cottage cheese and strawberries, coffee
snack: coffee
lunch, eaten very late: yogurt drink (400 cal)
dinner: steak and string beans.

Monday, Driver's License Woes

2011-04-11T21:36:00.000+03:00

Some of you know that I don't have a driver's license. I had one in the US and I let it lapse and it's beyond renewal now. Today, I went to take the written test and they told me I can't because the doctor had marked something as "yes" on the medical form. I asked the doctor not to mark it and he said it's no big deal, but it actually is. The form now has to go to a special doctor for approval before I can take my written test. Annoying. So I was in a rotten mood today. Usually, when I'm in a rotten mood, I eat. So I actually went to McDonald's today. I got a burger, a salad, and a diet coke, which is about 600 calories total... not as dreadful as it could have been, I guess. I found out that I don't really miss the fries that much. That was a total shock for me. I thought it would ruin the experience, but actually I enjoyed the salad, and the burger was heavenly. I obviously can't do it on a regular basis, but it really didn't wreck the day's eating that badly. Dinner at my parents', where they're trying to use up the chametz, on the other hand, was less than optimum.

On a totally different subject, Ephraim fell asleep holding two of my fingers tonight. So sweet.

Breakfast: yogurt

Snack: yogurt

Snack #2: yogurt (we notice a theme?)

lunch: McRoyal, salad, Diet Coke

snack #3: carrots

Dinner: sweet potato soup (less than 1 cup), mixed vegetables, 2.5 pre-made schnitzels, 2 mini-borekes

after: fireball

Sunday. The Cupboard is Bare

2011-04-10T21:16:00.000+03:00

I ate really badly today because there simply isn't any food in the house.

Breakfast: 2 granola bars, coffee

Lunch: can of beans in tomato sauce

Dinner: chicken soup (left over), string beans, 2 slices beer bread, turkey pastrama

after: fireball

Friday & Shabbat

2011-04-10T00:10:00.000+03:00

I feel like I should say something interesting, but I can't think of anything. I practiced juggling for about 20 minutes today. That's kind of like exercise.

Friday:

Breakfast: Halva flavored yogurt drink (400 cal), coffee

lunch: cottage cheese & strawberry & banana,

snack: 2 granola bars, 1 can baby corn, 2 tablespoons couscous, 10 chocolate chips. coffee (I had a little bit of a hunger attack)

dinner: chicken soup w/ lots of zucchini, chicken breast, 1/2 cup rice

Saturday:

Breakfast: coffee

lunch: sweet potato soup, 2 turkey schnitzels (the kind from the freezer), lots and lots of zucchini, fruit salad (yummy yummy)

snack: coffee (w/ soy milk)

dinner: chicken breast

Missed Thursday

2011-04-08T11:19:00.000+03:00

I fell asleep at 6pm... Guess I was tired out.

Here's the food:

morning snack: granola bar, coffee

lunch: coffee, sole fillets with couscous and broccoli

afternoon snack: 4 cookies. (oops)

fell asleep.

Week's Almost Gone

2011-04-07T10:01:00.000+03:00

Today was a good day. I skipped breakfast because I woke up late, but the rest of the day was good. I'm stressing a little, because I finally have work to do and it's exactly the wrong time of year... Pesach cleaning is ... well, going slowly. My job search is in full swing... I have some promising leads. In short, I'm busy busy busy.

Here's the food:

Morning Snack: Granola bar

lunch: cottage cheese and strawberries.

afternoon snack: yogurt

munching: 1/4 veggie burger, handful of string beans, 1/8 avocado

Dinner: chicken soup with veggies, including 2 chicken breasts

after: fireball.

Tuesday

2011-04-05T23:33:00.000+03:00

I didn't manage to get out for a walk today, which is really bad. When I was thinking about my eating today, it seemed awful, but now that I've written it down, it doesn't seem so terrible. Though I did eat around 250 grams of ground beef.

Breakfast: coffee, cottage cheese & banana

snack: granola bar

Lunch: miso soup, 2 sushi rolls, 2 nigeri

snack: yogurt

dinner: ground beef mixed with mixed vegetables and a little tomato sauce, 3 taco shells

Another Manic Monday

2011-04-04T20:59:00.000+03:00

So today, I'm in full-swing. It feels like I'm eating too much, I'll be shocked if I actually lose any weight this way.

breakfast: cottage cheese, coffee

lunch: fish (sole), mixed veggies, pasta

snack #1: granola bar

snack #2: granola bar + coffee

dinner: cottage cheese, pasta, asparagus

after: fireball

Sunday - Really Trying the New Plan

2011-04-03T22:00:00.000+03:00

So I'm still feeling upset about the new plan, but I'm really going to try. The scale showed me down a full 5 kilo, so yay! All I have to do is make that happen another 7 times and I'll be home free ;) I walked for over an hour today.

Breakfast: missed it - woke up too late

Lunch: cottage cheese and fruit salad

Snack #1: granola bar

Snack #2: strawberry yogurt

Dinner: fish & frozen veggies in the toaster oven, 3/4 cup rice, soy sauce

Shabbat.

2011-04-02T23:18:00.000+03:00

I'm feeling all messed up by the new plan, and I'm not sure how I'm going to manage it. I really dislike vegetables for the most part. Raw veggies make me seriously sick in large quantities and I can only eat so many string beans and zucchini which is pretty much all I like cooked. Shabbat was neither here nor there. I wasn't on the new plan, wasn't on the old... just tried not to eat ridiculously. Tomorrow morning, I start the dietitian's plan. I have a stomach ache just thinking about it. It makes me want to quit entirely... but I'm going to do my best to give it a chance.

Breakfast: coffee, granola bar

Lunch: salad - mix of beans, rice, & ground beef, fruit salad

snack: 1/4 apple, coffee

snack: fruit salad, 1/4 apple, 2 crackers, peanut butter (about 1.5 tablespoons)

Dinner: mix of beans, rice, & ground beef. fireball

Friday, April First

2011-04-01T16:32:00.000+03:00

Today, I finally saw the dietitian. It was just what I feared. She wants me to change the way I eat and I'm scared of it. What I've been doing seems to work for me. The new plan involves 5 meals a day with 3 proper meals and 2 snacks. I'm scared that it requires me to eat stuff I don't like (vegetables) and that I'm not going to lose weight on it.

Today, so far

Breakfast: Coffee, yogurt w/ fruit and granola

Lunch: 2 eggs, 2 slices light bread, tomato, cucumber.

snack: granola bar, coffee

tonight will be mushroom barley soup, chicken, salad, and fruit salad.

Some Thoughts on Dieting

2011-04-01T08:20:00.000+03:00

So here are some things I've learned, in no specific order:

1. Never eat anything that doesn't taste good. If I eat a food that doesn't taste good, I feel like I need a do-over for the meal, so I will eat something that does taste good, meaning the first food was just a total waste of calories.

2. Eat things that take a long time to eat. An artichoke is very little food, but it takes forever to eat, so two artichokes takes longer than a meal, leaving me feeling like I ate a very big meal.

3. 100 calories per 100 grams... I aim to eat foods that are 100 calories or less per 100 grams. The fewer calories per 100 grams, the better. I love the yogurt drinks. The melon flavored one is 58 calories per 100 grams. The peanut butter is 111cal/100g. If I drink a 500 ml drink, that's a difference of 265 calories, and I really am just as full. The peanut butter one does satisfy certain cravings though.... It's hard to remind myself how much those calories mean.

4. I eat real sugar. I tried agave, b/c it has a lower glycemic index. Unfortunately, it's less sweet, so you need more, and the calorie count is just as high. Plus it's loads more expensive. Sometimes, I'll use nutrasweet for something, but it does feel like deprivation, and deprivation is a lousy feeling.

5. I haven't learned to listen to my body yet. I still feel like I'm always hungry or at least could always eat. I almost never feel full because I don't allow myself to eat to that point - though soups help, because if a soup is relatively healthy, I'll allow myself pretty close to unlimited amounts of soup, even if it has lentils or barley in it.

6. The scale is unreliable. If I weigh myself twice in an hour, it says different numbers...

7. Some of my clothes are already fitting better!

8. It's been 6 weeks, which feels like a bazillion years, roughly speaking.

9. I don't like fish very much. In the early stages, I tried making fish, but I really didn't like it.

10. When I drink water through a straw, I drink much much more water.

Thursday

2011-03-31T21:39:00.000+02:00

At this rate, I'll be getting new clothes next week... I said every 5 kilo, I get some new item of clothing. I'm at 4.5 now. At 15, I'm going to get sushi at the David Citadel. Right now, it feels impossibly far away though.

I'm meeting with the dietitian tomorrow. We'll see what she has to say about my life.

In the meantime, here's what I ate:

Breakfast: coffee, yogurt drink (300 calories)

lunch: coffee, a little bit of broccoli soup, cottage&yogurt&strawberries&banana

snack: 1 bite of a cupcake (Ephraim ate the cupcake. I just tasted it.)

Dinner: chicken soup w/ 1 breast, 1 cup (before cooking) of pasta.

Wednesday - Why Eating Dairy Out is a Bad Idea

2011-03-30T20:39:00.000+02:00

Sunday was my anniversary. It was also Yaakov's anniversary by some odd coincidence. We decided to go out, but it didn't work out on Sunday. Today, I had an *interview over the phone, so I had to get a babysitter to watch my kids and keep them from making the interview impossible. Since we already had a babysitter when Yaakov got home, he decided that we should go out.

The problem is that Yaakov keeps mehadrin and there are no meat mehadrin restaurants in Modiin. So we went to a cafe. Cafe Cafe to be precise. Yaakov had the tuna salad, which sounds all healthy until you see how much tuna and how much mayonnaise is in that tuna. I had the shakshuka, which isn't really bad - it's tomatoes and tomato sauce and peppers and two eggs, served with fresh cut tomato and cucumber on the side. The problem is the bread. They give you a smallish loaf. each. My **compromises were that I got the whole wheat (I strongly prefer white), and I left about an inch of it uneaten. I did spread a little butter on it, but I had less than half a pat, and a pat is 36 calories...

All in all, I'm not sure if it's actually worse than the steak, baked potato, and salad I would have had in a meat restaurant, but it was so much less exciting and filling.

*I think the interview went pretty well. The company does interesting things, so I'm kind of psyched about it.

**compromises: I was given a piece of advice by a dietitian. She said that whenever you eat, you should always compromise on something, give up something. I don't buy it for most of what I eat, since most of what I eat is genuinely healthy, and there's no reason I can't allow myself a full cup of strawberries or whatever...

Today's Food:

Breakfast: yogurt drink

lunch: coffee

dinner: shakshuka with salad and bread and a tiny bit of butter.

Tuesday

2011-03-29T21:41:00.000+02:00

So today, I had chocolate. That is good stuff. If I were a god, I'd make chocolate calorie-free. Heck, with the anti-oxidants, it would be a health food... "Eat your chocolate, honey, it'll make you grow big and strong..." Actually, the whole way that food works is pretty awful. We're hardwired to enjoy calories. You'll never hear someone say "wow, I can just go for a whole bunch of broccoli" or "I'm really jonesing for some celery." I mean, don't get me wrong, strawberries are absolutely delicious despite being low in calories, but they're the exception, not the rule. Anyway, I certainly crave white fluffy foods like potatoes and pasta and marshmallows...

A poll... Someone recommended that I try to eat five different colors of food in each meal, so I ask you, readers, just one important question... skittles or m&m's?

I didn't get in any exercise today. Will hopefully go walking tomorrow. Any readers interested in being a walking buddy...? Kate?

Food:

Brunch: cottage cheese and yogurt (1.5%) and strawberries and banana, coffee

snack: celery, 3 cherry tomatoes, 1/2 a carrot, coffee, 1 piece of kinder chocolate

dinner: chicken soup w/ chicken, zucchini, carrots, sweet potato

after: fireball

Monday

2011-03-28T23:11:00.000+02:00

Today I woke up with a fever, but tried to live a normal day anyway... that was a moderate success.

breakfast: yogurt shake (600 calories)
lunch: coffee
snack: 1 red hot
dinner: 2 slices of light bread with salmon spread (starkist - not amazing), 1 cup creamy broccoli soup, cottage cheese and strawberries.

Sunday

2011-03-27T22:08:00.000+02:00

I'm down another kilo, which makes 4. That means I'm 1/10th of the way there! What's even cooler is that one kilo from now, I'll be 1/8th of the way there, and come on, after that, it's easy peasy ;)

I'm now job hunting as I've decided that a salary would be a nice thing. If you hear of any jobs for mattress testers, sleep-lab training assistants... no wait... sorry, I'm looking for writing work, web oriented stuff.

I did the long walk (about 4K) today, and it was really hard, but I didn't give up, so those calories are burned and muscles are exercised even if it was an uphill (literally and figuratively) battle.

And here's the food: today was a coffee day. and by whipped cream, I mean the fake stuff that's about 30 calories for the amount that goes on a cup of coffee.

breakfast: coffee w/ whipped cream, 3% cheese with fruit cocktail

lunch: coffee w/ whipped cream

snack: coffee w/ whipped cream, 1 egg, fried in olive oil. 1 bite of tomato

dinner: 1 chicken thigh & 1 chicken wing, broccoli,

post-dinner: fireball

Od Shabbat Avra B'Sheket...

2011-03-26T22:13:00.000+02:00

It was a quiet Shabbat. Yaakov and I weren't up to going to shul Friday night. In the morning, Yaakov took Kinneret, and I went later and backpacked Ephraim so that he couldn't get down and spread germs among the children. He didn't have a fever all day, so despite the fact that he still has a cough, he's going back to gan in the morning.

An hour before Shabbat, I decided to make chicken soup. I put chicken pieces, zucchini, and barley in the pot, added chicken soup mix, and cooked for the hour. Then I left it on the platta until Shabbat lunch. It could have used some celery and carrots, but it was pretty good. Those powders really do taste good even if they don't have msg to make your tastebuds dance anymore. Since Yaakov and I both have colds, it was nice having soup for lunch. The chicken from the soup was... mechubas (laundered!), meaning little flavor, but that's ok.

So here's what I ate today...

Breakfast: coffee

lunch: 1/4 slice of bread, soup, 1 chicken breast

snack: 2 red hots

seuda shlishit: 1.5 corn thins, celery, 1 glass orange juice

melaveh malka: chicken soup, 1 chicken wing, 1 thick slice of challah.

Friday - Craving Sugar

2011-03-25T17:19:00.002+02:00

No time to post anything interesting...
Breakfast- cottage cheese & yogurt & fruit cocktail, coffee
lunch - slice of apple, 1 handful of popcorn, 1 animal cracker, 1 square of chocolate, cup of coffee
dinner - will be chicken, rice, and salad

Friday - Craving Sugar

2011-03-25T17:19:00.000+02:00

Thursday, No Sushi

2011-03-24T23:34:00.000+02:00

Tonight I went to the Jerusalem Twestival. It was a really nice event. I think I've discovered why I'm not into twitter. I have nothing interesting to say. Indeed, my life is so very boring that I blog what I eat. Oddly, people are willing to read this, but seriously, what's wrong with me that I feel the need to post every morsel that goes in my mouth? It's because, plain and simple, I have nothing interesting to say. I'm feeling a little depressed about this. I thought I was clever and interesting, but really... not so much.

The speakers at the Twestival were great, and it was fun to put some faces to the names I've known, especially Safra-knit. Overall it was a great evening.

For those who are reading to find out what I ate...

Breakfast: cottage cheese, yogurt, fruit cocktail, coffee

lunch: coffee w/ whipped cream, yogurt w granola

snack: handful of peppers at the Twestival

dinner: turkey pastrama sandwich on light bread, 1 cup of beans

Still No Movement on the Scale

2011-03-23T21:30:00.000+02:00

There's still no movement on the scale. I'm down 3 kilo, but it just won't go any farther.

Today, I was craving junk all day, especially sugar. I stayed in control though, on the sugar count, at least. I did an hour walk (around 4km), so despite going a little overboard at dinner, not a terrible day.

Breakfast: cheese (3%), gil, strawberries, banana, coffee w/ fake whipped cream

Lunch: 1/2 cup creamy broccoli soup w 1/4 cup added milk, a package of the tiny little sour pressed candies (winkies, smarties, fizzers, whatever you call 'em)

Snack: coffee

Dinner: ~2 cups pasta (I know, I know), lots of broccoli, lots of sauce with meat.

Back on the Wagon

2011-03-22T22:23:00.000+02:00

Yesterday, I walked 40 minutes. Today, OneTiredEma and I walked for about an hour. I tried to map the walk on google maps, but either I'm not patient enough or it's not friendly enough. It did confirm that the walk was over 4 kilometers, but I couldn't get much more than that out of it. I'll have to try again later. A lot of people have suggested that I should try Weight Watchers either online or in group... I hate to spend the money on it, especially since I can see a dietitian for free...I have an appointment in a little over a week. My neighbor across the way has been giving me pep talks. She lost substantial amounts of weight working with a dietitian, so I guess I'll try that.

Food:

Breakfast: Coffee, cottage cheese & yogurt & strawberries & banana

lunch: 1 cup creamy broccoli soup, 1 yogurt with granola (this is the danona kind that's 150 calories including the granola), 1 red hot, 2 pickles

snack: 1 cup coffee

dinner: 1 can condensed tomato soup (prepared, of course), 2 pastrama (1%) sandwiches on light bread.

snack: 1 fireball

Monday, Shushan Purim

2011-03-21T20:22:00.001+02:00

I'm feeling absolutely defeated at this point. I'm still down 3 kilo, but I was hoping for more and it's just not happening. Today was a better day than yesterday, but I feel blah about it.

breakfast: coffee, cucumber, 2 tiny cottage cheese w/ strawberry things.
lunch: celery, celery w/ peanut butter and raisins (1/2 stalk of celery),
snack: yogurt drink w/ acai berry...not noticing appetite suppression
more snack: american smarties/winkies/whatever they're called (sour compressed candies), 1/2 cookie,
Dinner: 2 bowls chulent/goulash soup.

Could Have Been Worse

2011-03-21T08:01:00.001+02:00

I'm not going to detail everything I ate over Purim, because it's a mess. I don't even remember everything. There were wafers and hamentaschen and chestnuts and a mini chocolate bar...It was baaad, but not nearly as bad as I've been in previous years, so that's something.

The two main meals were
1. 1/2 a bagel w/ lox and 5% cream cheese and lots and lots of veggies.
2. a lot of roast beef, salad, beer bread, lots of potatoes

And today will be a better day.

Just One (off the wagon) Shabbos

2011-03-19T22:52:00.000+02:00

Friday Night: 2 bowls goulash/chulent soup, 1 slice challah, 1 chicken breast, 1 chicken wing
Shabbat Day:
breakfast: coffee
1 piece bissli
lunch: 2 bowls goulash/chulent soup w/ kubeh,
snack: 1 muffin (180 calories), 1 red hot
dinner: 1 banana, 1 yogurt w/ granola (150 calories)
post megillah reading: 4 carob butter-chocolate chip cookies, 1/2 slice carob-almond cake, 1/2 hamentaschen

I'm afraid of what tomorrow brings...

It's (Almost) Time to Say Good Shabbos

2011-03-18T16:53:00.000+02:00

Today's exercise consisted of a walk in the sun to donate blood, followed by the discovery that the bloodmobile was on the other side of a parade route and a somewhat dejected walk home.

breakfast: coffee, yogurt drink
lunch: coffee, 2 yogurts with granola
snack: 1 cup broccoli soup, 1 bowl chulent/soup, 1 kubeh, 4 little puffy things (like bissli, but puffy), 3 little runts candy...
and shabbat is still to come with chulentish soup, chicken, and salad.

Fast of Esther

2011-03-17T19:41:00.000+02:00

Today I didn't eat.
After the fast was over, I had
1 red pepper
cottage cheese+gil+pineapple chunks+strawberries

so, in all, a good day.

Week's Almost Over... Wednesday

2011-03-16T22:56:00.000+02:00

no exercise today :(
tai chi is canceled tomorrow because tomorrow is a fast day.

breakfast: coffee, cheese (3%)+gil+pineapple chunks+strawberry
lunch: 2 bowls creamy (non-dairy) broccoli soup.
dinner: 1.5 cups pasta w/ tomato sauce, 1 can tuna w/ low fat mayo, some cucumber slices, yogurt with fruit and granola
snack: 5 small candies

Tuesday

2011-03-15T20:47:00.000+02:00

Breakfast: Coffee, yogurt w/ strawberries and banana
lunch: 2 veggie cutlets, tomato, cucumber
snack: diet ice cream bar (37 cal), 8 adashim (like M&Ms)
snack: 2 pieces of bissli, 1/2 veggie burger
dinner: 2 chicken breasts, 1/2 can of corn

Monday #5

2011-03-14T21:57:00.000+02:00

I should have weighed myself today, but the scale I bought less than two weeks ago was already malfunctioning (it said it was low on battery), so no weight today. I replaced it, but too late in the day for a weigh-in. I got medium exercise. I walked to the mall, back, to the mall again in one go, because the postman showed up as I was arriving at the mall and I had to go back to pick up a package. I also walked the long way (as opposed to the seven+ flights of stairs way) to Kinneret's gan, and just to make things fun, I backpacked Kinneret to Ephraim's gan and then Ephraim the rest of the way home. I also took Poofy for a slightly longer than usual walk. so all in all, it probably adds up to 30 minutes of walking... something, but not fantastic.

Food:
Breakfast: Coffee, cottage cheese & gil & strawberry & banana
Lunch: coffee, peanut butter and jelly sandwich on light bread. I think I'll have an avocado sandwich tomorrow.
Dinner: omelet with 2 eggs, fried mushroom and onion, and one slice of 9% cheese. tomato, cucumber, cottage cheese, 3/4 of an orange
After: fireball

Sunday, Week 5

2011-03-13T21:20:00.000+02:00

Today, I got some decent exercise. I had to take K to gan in the morning, so I took her by cab and walked home, then I did a 40+ minute walk in the evening. Thanks to Rachel, who picked up some low-fat luncheon meat for me. It was quite delicious.

breakfast: yogurt drink (550 calories)
snack: coffee
lunch: coffee with fake whipped cream (the fake whipped cream is 200 cal per 100 grams, so it's actually not so terrible)
snack: more coffee, string beans, cucumber, cherry tomato, pepper (noshed at a friend's house)
Dinner: 1 bowl mushroom barley soup, 2 slices of light bread, about 200 grams of low-fat luncheon meat
snack: fireball

Motzei Shabbat

2011-03-12T22:33:00.000+02:00

There are so many thoughts swirling through my head right now. A lot of anger, outrage, and sadness about the pigua in Itamar, a feeling of impotence, a feeling like I should be feeling more, but somehow, I've managed to cap my emotions in some way, which I guess is a coping mechanism, but somehow I'm upset that I can cope, that anyone can, that we can sit in front of our computers and check our facebook and eat our food and drink water and just keep living when something so horrible has happened. On the other hand, I realize that the opposite response would be worse. Our country cannot be paralyzed by acts of terrorism. I just don't know what to feel or how to express it.

Onto the usual daily food run:
breakfast: cottage cheese&gil&strawberries&banana, coffee
lunch: mushroom barley soup, chicken, some mayo/ketchup dressing on the chicken
snack: 1/2 apple (kids got the rest)
dinner: chicken breast, chicken leg
snack: fireball

Friday, not Great

2011-03-11T14:14:00.000+02:00

So today I was invited to a simchat bat. I made a deal with myself that I could eat up to 400 calories there, which I think I stuck to ok. Problem was that it was supposed to be instead of breakfast and lunch and I got seriously hungry at around 2... I did do a 30 minute walk (back from the party), so that helps a little.

breakfast: coffee (2 cups), cucumber, pepper, salad with a little bit of bulgarian cheese (3 cubes), one bite blueberry cake, 2 bites strawberry and cream, one small serving of chocolate creamy cakey goop.

lunch: 2 cherry yogurts.

dinner will be mushroom barley soup, salad, chicken, and rice.

Thursday.

2011-03-10T19:17:00.000+02:00

No exercise today. I was tired and rain was falling. (that somehow sounds better than "it was raining" - which it was raining? I know that's how the language is used, but it sounds awfully weird.) Difficult moment of the day: Yaakov had made Ephraim a hummus sandwich. I handed it to him, and he refused it. I almost bit into it. I should lose 2 lbs just for not biting!

Food:
prebreakfast: carrot, coffee
breakfast: frozen yogurt drink, ~350 calories
lunch: celery and 2 bowls of lentil soup (w/ meat)
Dinner: 2 bowls lentil soup.
After: there will be a fireball later.

Another Wednesday

2011-03-09T19:18:00.000+02:00

The house is mostly unstocked... thinking about it makes me hungry.

breakfast:

cottage cheese+gil+ strawberries (we're out of bananas)

lunch:

yogurt + fresh fruit + branflakes (prepackaged - 230 calories before Ephraim ate about 10 bites of it)

dinner:

chicken, zucchini, sweet potato, 1 vegetarian chicken cutlet (not breaded)

After:

1 fireball

Tuesday, Week 3

2011-03-08T23:07:00.000+02:00

Today, I got myself out for a walk. Tomorrow is a Haifa day which is a big mess on every score. I hope that I'll be able to manage ok.

Breakfast: Coffee, Frozen Yogurt
Lunch: baked chicken breast & zucchini
Snack: Fireball
Dinner: baked chicken breast, zucchini, sweet potato
Snack: runts candy (1), fireball

Monday yet again

2011-03-07T21:10:00.002+02:00

I've noticed my readership dwindling. I guess no one really cares what I eat. I really need the accountability though. Knowing I'm reporting to a group on every bite I eat helps me eat less. So the question is, should I move my diet to a separate blog, and hopefully some of you will come check up on me a bit?
Let me know.
In the meantime:
breakfast: Coffee w/ milk and agave
Cottage&Gil&strawberry&banana& agave
Snack: fireball
Lunch: 2 cherry yogurts
Dinner: 3 veggie burgers w/ ketchup, string beans, pickles,

Sunday Week 4

2011-03-06T21:23:00.000+02:00

the scale isn't showing any progress at this point. I'll have to check tomorrow morning, maybe threaten the scale a little...

Food today:
pre-breakfast: coffee w/ sugar and milk.
breakfast was eaten at a tfillin party: 1 bagel with cream cheese, some vegetables dipped in cream cheese, 1 small slice cheese cake, 1 chocolate chip cookie, 1 pickle, 1 cup of coffee.
mid-afternoon: 2 coffee yogurts
late afternoon: cup of coffee (yes, #3 for the day)

Dinner: 1 bowl mushroom-barley soup, 2 slices light bread, 100-140 grams corned beef, ketchup. One orange-flavored candy (runts type)

Shabbat

2011-03-05T22:43:00.000+02:00

Does anyone know if pomelit (jaffa sweetie) is bad with statins?

So Friday night dinner was: challah, salad, 2 bowls of mushroom barley soup, and 1 chicken breast (shake-n-bake) salad had a dressing of low-cal mayo with lemon juice. was not great.

Shabbat:
Kiddush: breadsticks with hummus (about 1 breadstick with 2 tablespoons hummus)

Lunch: 1.5 bowls mushroom barley soup, 1 chicken breast, salad, 3 pieces of pomelit.

Snack: 1/4 can apple pie filling

Dinner: Cottage cheese+gil+strawberries+banana+ agave syrup.

Friday, up to Shabbat

2011-03-04T16:52:00.000+02:00

No exercise today...
Food:
Breakfast: Yogurt drink
Lunch: cottage & gil & strawberries & banana
Snack: carrots and celery
more snack: 1 bowl mushroom barley soup

Planned for dinner: Mushroom barley soup, chicken, rice, salad

Thursday. Almost through 3 weeks.

2011-03-03T19:05:00.000+02:00

This morning, I had tai chi class. I was running late, so I took a bus, and I walked back, but the short way. Still, the class counts as exercise.

Food:
pre-tai chi: 1 large cappuccino

Breakfast: 1 large cappuccino (yes, a second one), 1 frozen yogurt with mostly fruit toppings

Lunch: 2 vegetarian chicken cutlets (the non-breaded kind), asparagus, a cherry yogurt

Dinner: 1 cup macaroni with sauce, tuna (quite a lot) w/ mayo.

Overall not a great day. And I will probably have one fireball before I go to sleep.

And Wednesday...

2011-03-02T21:15:00.000+02:00

Today, with Rachel's help, I bought a digital scale (it was on super-sale only if you have a certain credit card, which she has and I don't). It confirms that I've lost about 2 kilos.

Today, I got some exercise. I did the full kid pickup on my own, which is 7 flights up, add Ephraim to my backpack, then go up another 3 flights of stairs with him on my back, then walk back home with him still on my back.

Tomorrow is tai chi.

Food was decent today. I went out for breakfast, which threw things off a bit, but not terribly.

Breakfast: muesli/yogurt/fruit/honey - about 400 calories, I think. Cappuccino w/ sugar.
Snack: Fireball
Lunch: 2 eggs, fried in olive oil with lots of onion and mushroom.
Dinner: 1.5 chicken breasts, string beans, 3/4 cup white rice w/ soy sauce
+1 more fireball

Tuesday #3

2011-03-01T21:44:00.000+02:00

So I'm seeing a definite drop of 2 kilo, even though my scale is... blah. I want to get a new one - a digital one.
I didn't get much exercise today, and I can't go walking now because Yaakov isn't home yet.

Today's Food:
Breakfast: coffee
cottage cheese w/ strawberries and banana (we were out of gil)
Lunch: 1 yogurt
Snack: cup of coffee
fireball
Dinner: 2 steaks (400 grams total) + 4 zucchinis, steamed.

Monday Again

2011-02-28T20:22:00.000+02:00

I didn't go out for an exercise walk, per se, but I did some wandering to the post office, the mall, and then to pick up the kids, which was almost successful except that Kinneret wanted to be carried home, so I ended up taking a taxi from Ephraim's gan - there's no way to carry her and still not have him run over by a car, and she was crying hysterically every time I put her down...

Breakfast: Coffee & Yogurt drink
Snack: 1 Tbsp peanut butter
Lunch: 2 artichokes with mayo dip.
Dinner: 1 can tuna w/ a teaspoon of mayo, 1 can baked beans, 1.5 cups rice.

Sunday, Week 3

2011-02-27T21:38:00.000+02:00

I think this is officially the longest diet I've been on since high school when I lost 20 lbs in about 4 months, except then I just stopped eating and didn't even notice it. After a week or two, I went back to eating whatever was available, but most of what was available didn't appeal to me then. What was great was that I didn't gain it back until college (10 of the freshman 15), and then took it off before the end of my first year (pneumonia).

Since then, the only other time I've lost weight (other than giving birth) was when I went on a medication that had weight loss as a side effect. I'd love to go back on it, but it has loads of serious side effects, including kidney stones.

Anyway, some things I wanted to share...
First, my brother asked me an important question. He wanted to know what you do if you're having a dream, and just when you get to the good part, there's a commercial, and then another and another... I told him that I download all of my dreams and there are no commercials.

Second, same brother wore a windbreaker to shul. I have to wonder if you wear those when you break wind...

And onto our regularly scheduled program....

Breakfast: Yogurt (fruity)

Morning snack: coffee

Lunch: cottage&gil&banana&strawberry

Snack: coffee

Snack: yogurt

Dinner: 2-3 bowls of chicken soup from Shabbat, 1/2 cup brown rice, 200 grams "steak", 1/2 cup cranberry juice

*the steak was ... well, it ain't a proper steak, but it helped ease the burn of Yaakov making hot dogs and french fries for dinner. I should automatically lose a pound for refusing the fries!

I'm pondering going for a walk now even though it's 9:30... think I might.

Friday & Shabbat Again

2011-02-26T21:32:00.000+02:00

Friday:
Breakfast: 2 fruit yogurts + coffee w/ agave & milk
Lunch: 1 yogurt drink (400 kcal)
Afternoon: cottage & yogurt & banana & strawberries
1/2 slice sourdough bread w/ 3% cheese
Dinner: 1.5 chicken breasts, 1 cup rice, soup, 1 slice bread, salad,
----

Shabbat:
Breakfast: coffee w/ agave and milk
Lunch: soup, salad w/ olives, chicken, 3 slices of pomello
3rd meal: 1/4 avocado, 1/3 cup orange juice
Post Shabbat: cottage & yogurt & banana & strawberries
fireball

Got minimal exercise both days. :(
For those who have asked: a fireball is a hot cinnamon candy. I like them because I usually drink about half a liter of water with each one, so it's kind of a filling snack, despite being a small piece of candy.

Ten Interesting Things I've Done (That I'm Willing to Admit to)

2011-02-25T08:42:00.000+02:00

In the interest of writing something that isn't a list of foods... Here's a list of interesting things I've done.

Was a magician's assistant. I helped K-Mar, the Discount Magician (of Letterman fame) set up before and clean up after his act one evening at a resort hotel in the Catskills
Got my picture in the paper for being one of the top 4 readers in a kids' summer reading contest.
Worked in a falafel/shwarma stand cutting vegetables. I did it for a week on a volunteer basis and for a long time afterward, whenever I'd finish classes for the day, I'd come to the place and do their dishes and get a free shawarma.
Ran a 'recording studio' which did all of the recording for an animation that was over 10 minutes long and had at least six actors. I did this as part of an otherwise terribly boring job. All recordings were done on my work computer, which had a special sound card and microphone.
Jumped out of a plane. Well, that anyone can pay to do, but it was incredible.
Am featured in an English textbook (pictures and recorded interview) for jumping out of a plane.
Participated in a blind taste test of chocolate (isn't that everyone's dream?!)
Have been far enough north in summer that it never got dark. (Finland)
Have ridden a horse bareback (as a kid. I had friends who had a horse. They took us to the stables late one evening and there was no one there, so the saddle was locked up. We rode anyway, though it was really slow and for a short time.)
Appeared on stage (and talked) for audiences of several hundred people (as the juggler's assistant).

I'm not tagging anyone specifically, but it would be cool if other people would do this too.

Thursday Again

2011-02-24T21:48:00.000+02:00

Today, I had Tai Chi class. I walked there and back, but pretty much the shortest possible way, and I stopped and chatted with friends on the way back, so exercise today was.... well, weak.

Food:
Breakfast:
Coffee w/ sugar and milk
Yogurt drink (about 550 calories)

Lunch:
fish stir fry (1 fillet of sole, 1 pepper, mushrooms, onion, cabbage, soy sauce, 1 tbsp olive oil)

Snack:
1 fireball
1 coffee w/ sugar and milk

Dinner:
1 sandwich w sliced pastrama (turkey junk, not pastrami) on light bread.
1 can baked beans
1 bowl lentil soup

A note to everyone who thinks I should eat more lunch... I'm not really that hungry at lunch time. There must be a blood sugar thing or something, but I get ravenously hungry around 7pm. I tried to stave it off with a cup of coffee around 6ish, but I think I hit too late.

Wednesday, Week 2

2011-02-23T20:12:00.000+02:00

Today, I was really tired. Exercise didn't really happen, though I walked down 7 flights of stairs taking K & E home from gan.

Breakfast:
Coffee
Cottage cheese/gil/banana/strawberry

Lunch
2 yogurts

Snack
Fireball

Dinner
drumstick & thigh of chicken
~2 cups brown rice
1 cup of string beans
1/4 apple

Week 2: Tuesday, I Like Lentil Soup!

2011-02-22T22:17:00.000+02:00

I woke up late and immediately left the house, so I missed breakfast (except for coffee). I didn't get in any exercise today, and I'm immensely irritated to find out that Kinneret needs to get glasses. She apparently has astigmatism in her left eye, to a fairly serious degree. This means the glasses will be very expensive, and since she's 3, there will be many many pairs of these... yuck!

Onto the food portion of our program:

breakfast: coffee w/ milk and nutrasweet
lunch: cottage cheese/gil/banana/strawberry
dinner: lentil soup, recipe courtesy of K.B. (thanks!), with beef. - 3-4 bowls.
extra: atomic fireball
water: at least 1.5 liters

Again, I made a healthy supper but ate too much of it... I probably need to eat something in the late afternoon - around 3:30 or 4 to keep me from getting ravenous at supper time.

And today's entry comes with a video

Monday Monday, Can't Trust that Day

2011-02-21T21:25:00.000+02:00

I started out well today, but dinner was a bit of a mess... I went for a 45 minute walk, which mitigates some of the damage I guess.

Breakfast:
Coffee
The usual cottage cheese/gil/banana/strawberry thing

Lunch
2 fruit yogurts

Dinner
1.5 chicken breasts (on the bone, including wing from one, including skin)
About 3 cups of brown rice with onion and mushrooms (that's where I lost control. I meant to only have one cup... but I was so hungry. I actually had to leave the table and go to the other room and call someone to get myself to stop eating. looks like 600 calories just for the rice... EEP!)

Sunday, Week 2

2011-02-20T22:04:00.001+02:00

Today was a bad day for exercise because of the rain.

Breakfast:
Coffee w/ milk and agave syrup.
oatmeal w fruit, nougat, and honey. This was at Re:Bar where they'll put toppings on oatmeal or yogurt for you. I will not repeat this as I never got un-hungry between breakfast and lunch.

Lunch:
Stir-fry: 1 red pepper, 1 green pepper, 1/2 onion, mushrooms, tofu, 1 tablespoon canola oil, lots of soy sauce and ginger

Dinner:
2 corned beef sandwiches on low-calorie bread. (about 400 calories total, now I wish Yaakov had brought back more of the corned beef...It's 6% fat, which is completely acceptable. There's one pack left - and a pack is about 175 grams.)

Made an appointment to see the dietitian, but the first available appointment is April 1st... oh well.

Friday & Shabbat

2011-02-19T19:01:00.001+02:00

Friday, I didn't manage to get in exercise.

Breakfast: Coffee w/ milk and sugar
Lunch: cottage cheese, gil, banana, strawberries, raspberries (frozen)
Snack: bowl of vegetable soup
Dinner: 1.5 chicken breasts w/ skin (shake'n'bake), salad w/ olives, 1/2 cup rice
other: celery sticks, 1 fireball, 1/2 can baby corn (amended to add)

Shabbat
Breakfast: Coffee w/ agave and milk, 2 yogurts
Lunch: 2 bowls vegetable soup, salad w/ 1 tomato, cucumber 2 tablespoons olives + 100 grams salami
Dessert: 1/2 pomelit

Now I'm going for a walk, and then I'll have cottage cheese+gil+fruit.
Walk was 45 minutes, mostly at a good pace.
Also ate 1/4 apple.

Tomorrow I weigh myself. Praying to see at least one kilo lost.

Thursday - day 5

2011-02-18T11:26:00.000+02:00

Thursday was a good day for exercise. I walked to my tai chi class and even took the long way back.

Breakfast:
coffee
cottage cheese, gil, banana, strawberry + agave syrup.

Lunch:
2 vegetarian cutlets (the non-breaded kind)
1 tomato
1 cucumber
1/2 avocado

Snack
30 calorie chocolate popsicle (tofutti brand, sugar free, no fat)

Dinner
sushi -
bowl of miso soup
2 full rolls (16 pieces) + 2 nigeri
drank soda water with it.

So far, the scale isn't showing anything, but I know it takes time.

Wednesday, Day 4

2011-02-16T22:25:00.000+02:00

No exercise today, because I had a major muscle spasm in my back so bad that even breathing was hard. Tomorrow is Tai Chi, though.

Breakfast
Cup of coffee w/ sugar & milk

Lunch
cottage cheese + Gil (plain yogurt) + strawberries + 1 banana + 2 tsp agave syrup

Snack
1/2 apple (this happens because Ephraim eats the other half)

Dinner
3/4 cup couscous + soup + a bit of meatloaf + a thick slice of salami (couscous soup is now finished, will have to make more, I guess, to use up the rest of the couscous, meatloaf is also finished)

other - 1 fireball.

To answer some of the many comments - yes, fireballs are sugar, but they help me drink. I usually drink about 1/2 a liter with the fireball.

I do track my water, kinda. I usually drink from a cup that's 650 ml, so every "cup" is about half a liter (I don't fill it all the way to the top) I go through 3-4 a day these days.

The reason I've been exhausted is that Ephraim has taken to getting up 5x a night. It doesn't matter what I eat - it won't make up for the lack of sleep. I am currently discussing options with his doctor. Today, I missed breakfast because I woke up at 11:00 trying to make up for lost sleep.

The reason I'm trying to eat very little and space out the food so much is that I'm still in the detoxing phase. I'm trying to shrink my appetite as much as possible now.

Cereal was a one-time glitch. I'm doing cottage cheese + gil + fruit instead, as it's much lower glycemic index overall and lower calories for a lot more food. I've moved to 3% cottage cheese. I won't go lower than that, because I think a little fat is a necessity. I added strawberries because it adds more stuff and flavor with a minimum amount of calories.

One rule I'm trying to keep to is as much as possible, to eat foods under 100 calories per 100 grams. At dinner, I eat a normal portion of normal-er food, though, because otherwise it gets to be impossible. Hence the meatloaf and salami (though salami is actually evil - the 3 bites I had were probably close to 200 calories.)

The good news is that today was a much easier day. I'm hoping that I'll be able to settle in and keep to it long-term.

Tomorrow I hit goal 1 which is keeping to it for 5 days. Reward is sushi at Atza, because sushi is decent diet-wise, but wicked on the wallet...

Day 2-3

2011-02-15T19:13:00.000+02:00

Monday, continued.
So I ended up eating a little more meat than I meant to. Probably about 200 grams in all. I was ok about the couscous - ate about 3/4 of a cup and lots and lots of veggies. Then when the kids were asleep, I had another bowl of veggie soup without the couscous.

Tuesday
Haven't exercised yet today. I'm trying to work up the energy.
Breakfast
1 cup coffee w/ milk and 1 teaspoon sugar
1 bowl quaker oat squares (it was the end of the box. I won't be eating those again.)
Snack
1/2 apple
Dinner
2 slices of meatloaf (I'd guess about 150-200 grams)
3 bites (less than one regular piece) potato kugel
1/2 cup couscous
1 big bowl soup w/ veggies (pumpkin, carrot, onion, kolrabi/rutabega, jerusalem artichoke, zucchini)
other:
1 atomic fireball.

I'm trying something called the shangrila diet. It says that you should eat oil between meals to convince your body that taste and calories are unrelated so that you'll stop loading up on good tasting foods. I'm not 100% convinced it works, but I've only had one tablespoon of oil so far. I'll see what happens. It's supposed to reduce appetite and make weight come off faster. Either of those would be good for me.

Yesterday was a really hard day. Today was better, though I slept for a good chunk today.

Day 1

2011-02-14T12:27:00.000+02:00

Sunday, day 1.
I worked out with the Kinect for about 15-20 minutes, calorie burn - 100 calories.

breakfast: bagel with 2 eggs.
lunch: chicken quarter (breast) and 1 apple
snack: 2 atomic fireballs with about 1 liter of water.
dinner: 2 fruit yogurts.

-----
Today, Monday day 2,
Gave up on the Kinect and did a 40-minute walk instead. I'm listening to Stephen King's "Under the Dome" on my mp3. Very engaging.
Breakfast - cottage cheese + 3% yogurt (gil) + a banana + 1 teaspoon sugar
snack - 1 large carrot
lunch - tilapia fillet fried in olive oil, soy sauce, 1 tomato, 1 cucumber, 1/2 avocado.
eating an atomic fireball now. I figure they're not so bad because I keep one in my mouth for 20-30 minutes and usually drink plenty of water with it.

Planned for dinner: meatballs + couscous + vegetable soup. Will have to be really careful about portions, since couscous and meatballs are not exactly low calorie.

Today I Start

2011-02-13T12:19:00.000+02:00

This isn't who I'm supposed to be:

And these are the reasons why I can't be like this:

Now I need to remind myself of this about 200 times a day instead of eating... and in just one year from now, I will be somewhere near where I need to be.

I guess one has to be pretty desperate to post this on their blog... actually, I am. The realization has been dawning on me slowly, but really, what's happened to me is absolutely awful. I can't keep living like this.

It started with the thyroid, but it got worse because I let it.

So... hope you'll all come along for the ride.

Who Read Yesterday's Post to My Kids?

2011-02-07T12:39:00.001+02:00

This morning was the exact opposite of yesterday. Ephraim went to the bathroom by himself, without being told. Kinneret needed only a gentle reminder. Nothing got on the floor. No nail polish, no cookies, nothing! Kinneret didn't ask for a bottle, which is a real achievement, since we threw out the bottles last week. Kinneret ate a carrot for pre-breakfast. Nobody asked for lollipops or gum. Ephraim didn't complain when I put his lens in. The kids got dressed with only the mildest of protests, and I didn't let it faze me.

Kinneret even gave me extra hugs and kisses when I dropped her off at gan. If every morning were like today, I think I'd be the happiest mom in the world.

Add into the mix that Yaakov's plane is due to land in two minutes, I have a new project to work on, and I spent the morning with a friend, and today is a pretty excellent day!

It's Potty Time, Let's Grab Some Floor Rags.

2011-02-06T15:03:00.000+02:00

Both of my children are officially toilet trained. This should make me happy, but instead, it means that I'm cleaning the floor a lot. I mean an awful lot. At least every day. Often 2-3 times a day, which is quite a big considering that they're out of the house most of the day.

I think Ephraim's regressed because Yaakov is out of the country. I hope when Yaakov comes back (tomorrow! YAY!), it'll improve. In the meantime, I'm just... frustrated.

On other fronts, Kinneret and I have a personality conflict these days. She is constantly testing the limits and I'm constantly losing my temper. I often feel like the worst mother ever. Today I yelled at her for telling me to make her aruchat eser. It really drives me nuts when she tells me what to do. To be fair, I was awakened this morning by the smell of nail polish, which Ephraim had spread all over the floor. It doesn't exactly give one the best start possible...

Ephraim has developed some really strong feelings about pretty much everything. Last night, he insisted on going to sleep with a large wooden toy in his bed... go figure. About that I didn't argue, but I got pretty annoyed when I gave him a cookie and he threw it on the floor, and I don't love that when he's finished eating, he overturns his plate or bowl instead of just stepping away from the table or pushing it back or some other less messy signal.

They're both so cute and so sweet and they're growing every day, and I feel like I'm so frustrated and stressed from cleaning up accidents, preventing disasters, trying to get them to listen, etc that I'm not enjoying any of it.

Yaakov thinks he'll have to go out of the country yet again in another week or two. I keep reminding myself that it means air miles and per diems and shopping, but honestly, I really don't like being a single parent.

I have lots of support from all around me, but in the mornings, when I'm tired from middle-of-the-night wake-ups that can't be ignored because Ephraim wanders the house, and the dog is desperate for a walk I can't give until the kids are dressed, and I'm washing the floor repeatedly, I don't feel very supported. I feel very very alone, and not very happy either.

I apologize for the negative post, but sometimes, being a parent is just.... not all positive.

Bananas

2011-01-30T14:57:00.000+02:00

How to Ask for a Banana:

Kinneret's way: I want a yellow.

Ephraim's way: (in a wailing tone) Pleaaaase a banana.

I'm not sure which is cuter, but they both got their bananas.

Two Years

2011-01-09T15:02:00.000+02:00

January 5th, two years ago, at 9:40 in the evening, my son, Ephraim was born. He was beautiful and sweet. Yaakov and my mother were with me. We looked at him, his perfect fingers and toes, and his thin head of hair. We thought he might be a redhead. We knew he looked like Yaakov. At midnight, I went to the nursery to feed him, and he, unlike Kinneret, nursed. There was no milk, but he nursed. I don't think I've ever been happier in my life. I had two beautiful babies, a husband who loved me, and I was past a pregnancy that wasn't exactly fun.

Less than two days later, my world fell apart. I never understood how parents of a disabled child feel, but now I do. They say that you have to first mourn for the child you had expected before you can accept the child you got. That was certainly true for me. I went to appointments with him, was told that he could never play sports, work any kind of manual labor. I cried while I nursed him.

We brought him home and Kinneret called him "didi" then "baby." She wanted to hold him all the time, touch him all the time. She was so happy with the baby we'd brought home for her.

He had colic. I was exhausted.

I went through surgery with him, in the hopes of rescuing vision in his eye, and it failed. The doctor pushed for more surgery while telling me that there was no hope. I called experts from the United States and spoke to my pediatrician. We didn't go through a second operation.

Ephraim had the worst colic I've ever heard of. For five months, he rarely slept more than an hour at a time unless he was nursing. I carried him in the wrap carrier, sometimes nursing while I walked around. I waited for opportunities to share a meal with my parents so that one of them could hold him while I ate.

We went to the Vardizer clinic in Haifa for a prosthetic lens to help his eye socket grow and his face be symmetrical. The doctor there was the first person who told me my son has beautiful eyes. He told me that my son could be anything except three things: an air-force pilot - he can be a commercial pilot, though; a crane operator; a driver of a semi-trailer. He told me that the young lady who'd just come into the waiting room, the one with beautiful big brown eyes who had just finished army service as an officer, started out with an eye just like Ephraim's.

Yaakov's mother came to visit and rocked Ephraim endlessly while I tried to ready the house for Pesach.

Ephraim had an abscess and needed surgery again, this time in Hadassah Har Hatzofim.

My fibromyalgia flared up so badly that I could barely sit up. The flare up lasted for months.

Neighbors called social services because there was a baby crying so much of the time. The social worker came in, and everything was quiet. When I put Ephraim on the floor to play with his toys, he screamed. She understood.

Shlomo came to visit.

Kinneret called him "Epharim."

My mom and I (and Ephraim) went up to Haifa so often the taxi drivers at the train station got to know us.

My friends Jeremy and Kelli got married (again).

I took Kinneret for development tests because her speech was behind schedule.

Ephraim got his painted lens and looked cuter than ever.

Kinneret turned 3 and had a birthday party at gan.

Our family went to Finland and Russia for three incredible, but not so easy, weeks. Ephraim learned to walk.

The kids and I were home for three really not so easy weeks. It was too hot to be outside, too boring to be inside, just difficult.

Daycare started again. Kinneret started preschool (gan trom-trom). She learned how to use a stencil and cut with scissors.

Ephraim, who had always been the type to give in, suddenly started standing up for himself, sometimes too much.

His daycare lost his painted lens. More trips to Haifa.

Kinneret's gananot tell me that she's one of the more advanced kids in her group, that she's aware of everything. Her speech has caught up without any therapy.

Ephraim's hair has gotten absurdly long. It will be another year now until we cut it.

And there you have it... two years.

Happy Birthday Ephraim!!!

Conversations at 6am

2010-12-10T08:55:00.000+02:00

Yaakov and I both have a cold, so this morning, at 6am, when the kids woke us, I went to the kitchen to make tea for both of us. The tea was a weak yellow color. The following conversation took place:
Yaakov: Is that chamomile tea?
Leah: No, it's green tea.
Yaakov: Oh, so it's good for the environment, that's why it's green.
Leah: No, green tea has anti-oxidants.
Yaakov: What do anti-oxidants do?
Leah (thinks for a moment): They keep you from rusting.
Yaakov (deadpan): People rust?
Leah (equally evenly): Yeah, that's why old people's joints creak.
Yaakov: OK. (drinks his tea)

Confessions of a Marching Mouse

2010-11-30T19:31:00.000+02:00

In December of '84, I was a marching mouse in Woodland Hills (Lawton, Oklahoma) School's presentation of "Achoo Saves Christmas." I wore a leotard and tights and had a tail made of one side of a pair of pantyhose, stuffed with newspaper. I had paper ears on a paper headband. I marched into the auditorium, sat on the steps of the stage, and sang about how "Achoo is blue, blue-be-do be do be do..." How I ended up in this play was that my alternative was sitting in the principal's office while everyone practiced.

Yesterday, I went to a different kind of show. I went to Kinneret's gan party. Kinneret, too, wore a paper costume and walked around and sang songs in a winter(?) show. But Kinneret was a candle in a Hannuka show. As I watched her, I thought about my marching mouse experience, and I actually sobbed. I mean, one of the grandmothers there had to break out a box of tissues for me. I am so glad that Kinneret was singing about how she will light up the dark and how G-d will bring the redemption, and how we won't let the Greeks keep us from learning Torah.

She will never be a marching mouse. She will always be a candle!

Being the Video Lady

2010-11-16T13:29:00.002+02:00

As my loyal readers know, I started SimchaVideos.com a short while ago. I make presentations/slideshows for Bar/Bat Mitzvas, weddings, trips, whatever.

Business has been slowly picking up. Today I finished up my first order. It was really exciting. The video came out great. The Bat Mitzva girl is very photogenic, so the pictures were beautiful. She chose her own song, "You'll be in My Heart" by Phil Collins, which worked really well with the pictures. I did a little playing around with the invitation to make it a part of the video. All told, it took about 4-5 hours to make the video. Those of you with calculators realize that at 150 shekels a video (introductory offer ends this week), that leaves my hourly wage at.. pathetic.

BUT..I really enjoyed working on it. I worked on it even when I had videos to watch and games to play, even though I wasn't up against that hard a deadline. So while I will be raising my prices and trying to get my process speeded up, I'm pretty happy.

Badmouthing Children

2010-11-08T22:46:00.002+02:00

I read a personal finance blog, and the subject of being childless by choice comes up a lot. Leaving out halachic considerations, I generally think that people should only have children if they're 100% sure they want them, so I usually stay out of this discussion, but this comment really enraged me, so I figured I'd post my response:

"...mucking it up with one or more noisy, smelly, expensive, messy, self-centered ungrateful brats?"

This is what makes us parents angry at those who are childless by choice.

You were once a noisy, smelly, expensive, messy, self-centered ungrateful brat yourself, and yet here you are...

I don't mind if you say that you don't want to have children of your own because they require a lot of energy and care and time and money, but saying nasty things about children in general is just rude.

Are my children-

Noisy? Sometimes.
Smelly? Rarely. You probably smell worse, since children's sweat is basically odorless.
Expensive? Only because we have them in daycare. If I had them at home, having the two of them would cost substantially less than the cost of a car each month.
Messy? Sometimes, but even my almost-2 cleans up when reminded.
Self-Centered? Sometimes, but aren't we all self-centered sometimes? I certainly didn't think it showed self-centeredness when my 3.5-year-old saw me crying and patted me on the back and said "shhh. it's ok mommy" Sometimes, she's the most caring and giving child in the world.
Ungrateful - Yep, they're often ungrateful, but sometimes, you give them some tiny thing and they run at you to hug you and their gratitude is worth more than a thousand "thank you" notes.
Brats - My kids aren't brats. Neither parent is career military. (I'm an army brat, so... that's what a brat is to me)

Go ahead and don't have children if you don't want them. If you're not fully committed to being a parent, don't do it. It'll be terrible for you and worse for the children.

But don't dare badmouth my kids. Or my choices.

One More Thing to Say

2010-11-04T09:59:00.001+02:00

A lot has been written about RivkA bat Yeshaya. Everything important about her has been said. She was vivacious. She always had a smile, even when she was in pain. She had incredible strength. She loved her family. Her favorite color was purple. She loved pistachio milkshakes (ok, maybe no one else mentioned that). Each of us says one thing we remember, and it gives the rest of us one more thing to hold on to.

But I didn't know her that well. I spent the day with her twice. I kept meaning to spend another day with her, but time got away from me, and then the time was up. If I could have had another day, just another hour, I would have wanted to give her one more thing.

I don't have much to give. I would have made her a milkshake again, if she was up for it, brought a bagel again, if she thought she could eat it. But what I really wanted to do was bring her my memories of my trip to Finland.

RivkA had been to the juggling convention in Israel last year, and when I told her that I was going to Finland for the juggling convention, she was one of those who lamented being too large to fit into our luggage. I said I'd tell her all about it, and I never got to.

I wrote down what I wanted to tell her. I wrote about the trip, and about the things we did. I wanted to give her as much of the experience as I possibly could, because that was the only gift RivkA wanted - more time - to be with her family more and to experience more. I couldn't give her more time with her family, but I wanted to give her one more experience.

So here's what I wrote for her.

Dear RivkA,
I still haven't had a chance to tell you about EJC (European Juggling Convention) 2010 - Joensuu, Finland.

It wasn't at all what I expected. First, I expected cold, or at least cool. Ha! That's a laugh. It was hot almost every day. One day, it got up to 40 C, breaking records. We only used the heat in our cabin one night.

The shows were interesting. I only saw a few, because - well toddler attention spans. A lot of it was this super-European art juggling which is kind of boring.
The action in the gym was more interesting. There were neat passing patterns everywhere and all kinds of cool tricks to watch.

We spent a lot of time talking to a German guy named York (Jork?) who heads a church-based juggling group in his home town. He'd come with his two teenage children and another five kids who weren't his. His daughter played accordion for our kids and he played guitar. He and Yaakov did a lot of passing. I started to learn rings. I expected it to go well, but it just didn't, so I'm still working on it. It's slow going.

We're also working on building a duo act so we can take shows. Again, slow going, but we wing it.

The campsite where we stayed was on a lake, so we went into the lake a few times. The water was SO COLD! But it was really amazing on the hot days. Ephraim was terrified of the water, but Kinneret really loved it.

I think I really enjoyed the white nights more than I would have expected to. The experience of it being midnight and still light out was just so different. The first week, I went to the campsite's office for a beer, internet, and to watch the lack of sunset. I never enjoyed beer so much.

Helsinki was filled with walking and blueberries and finding places for the kids to play. Again we were on the beach, and we enjoyed the water.

Russia, well, we got some great photos and souvenirs, and I just read a book in which the characters traveled to St. Petersburg, and it was really amazing to be able to picture the scene.

So that was our trip. And then we came home and there's no place like home.

----

I'm sorry I never got to say this. I'm sorrier that RivkA never got to go to a European Juggling Convention, that she won't be at the next Israeli juggling convention, that no matter how much I want to, I can't give her any more experiences or any more time.

Goodbye RivkA. I miss you.

How to Glue a Banana (an Important Parenting Skill)

2010-11-01T13:28:00.000+02:00

Ephraim in His Rocking Chair

Each day, I pick up Kinneret at her gan (pre-school) and Ephraim at his daycare (which they also call a gan), and we walk home, except sometimes, if I don't feel well, or if I'm running late. Then, my mom helps me get the kids. One day last week, my mom helped me get the kids.

We brought them inside, and the two children sat in their rocking chairs. They asked for bananas. Ephraim said "nana" and Kinneret went along for the ride.

I made sure not to open their bananas (a cardinal sin), until they asked for help. Then I opened the bananas, and Ephraim's broke, causing tears, screams, moans. It was truly tragic. My mother and I sat there, trying to determine what to do.

Logical Mommy said "I'm sorry your banana broke, Ephraim" but the wails continued.
Logical Mommy tried again, "Eat the broken part fast Ephraim" but to no avail. He kept screaming.
And then Savta, who couldn't stop laughing whispered two magical words...(which shall soon be revealed)

Logical Mommy gave up, took the banana, took a knife, went to the cabinet, and got some magical banana glue (a.k.a. peanut butter.) and glued the banana together.

Ephraim took the banana. The tears ceased. The wails stopped. The banana-eating proceeded. Life was good.

Sometimes, you just have to glue the banana.

Words Fail Me

2010-10-30T20:10:00.000+02:00

My friend RivkA bat Yeshaya from CoffeeandChemo.blogspot.com is gone.
I have no words.

I have too many words.
I have too many feelings.
It silences me.

Baruch Dayan Ha'Emet.
Blessed is the true judge - easy to say, hard to believe.

Announcing SimchaVideos.com

2010-10-25T12:00:00.001+02:00

Are you planning a simcha?
Do you want to create a video to show the guests?
Are you perplexed by how to do it? Do you not have enough time?
Are you the one who DOES do these and you just don't have time to do one for your neighbor's brother-in-law's cousin?

SimchaVideos.com has the solution.

Just give us your photos and short video clips, tell me a little bit about them, and we'll help you pick a song to create a short movie you can share online or on-screen in high quality!

Special Introductory Offer:

Just 150 shekels for a video clip including:

Up to five minutes of music and pictures/video with up to 60 pictures
One song of your choosing - hard-to-find songs may cost extra
Up to four photographs or one "strip" of negatives (6 pictures) scanned
Basic picture touch up for up to 10 pictures
Your video delivered on disk-on-key (dvd available upon request)
Free upload to YouTube (please let us know if you prefer for your video to remain private)

Negative scanning and photo scanning available!
Please visit us at http://www.simchavideos.comhttp://www.simchavideos.com to see samples of the videos, and get more information about our services.

A New Psychological Test

2010-10-22T13:25:00.001+02:00

Have you ever heard of the HTP test? It's a personality test that can also test IQ.
Apparently,it's quite hard to score. The creators have written a 350 page manual to score it.

I've written a more simple test called the house test. It'll tell you all about a person in just one easy drawing.

Ask the subject to draw a house. If the subject is ~~normal~~ average, they should draw something like this:


A Normal House

If they turn up something like this, you've got a geek on your hands.


A Linux Geek House

The House that Mac Built

Last but not least, if the subject is particularly artistic...